


second snow

by dogbuns



Series: (it's spring again) [1]
Category: To the Moon Series (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Friends, Gen, Memory Loss, Minor Character Death, eva has a cat and neil collects gunpla. nothing else is interesting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-06-26 22:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19777471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogbuns/pseuds/dogbuns
Summary: After a mysterious accident at the office, Eva finds herself tasked with helping Neil recover his memories. It wouldn't be a problem, if only she knew him in the first place.





	1. (prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> [will i never know your name?](https://youtu.be/bet8YWurCSQ)  
> [cause i want to](https://youtu.be/bet8YWurCSQ)  
>    
> (unedited)

Something was wrong in the office.

Eva had only meant to pop in and out, grab a few documents that they'd left at her desk. There weren't new clients scheduled any time soon, and it'd be nice to spend her time doing work at home and relaxing for once. God knows how much her cat was sick of her neighbor sitting in, and staring at her desk grew more tiring by the day.

She was nearly done tidying up before leaving. Her hand paused over her computer before shutting it off. No matter how many times Neil teased her about acting like a Facebook mom, she couldn't bring herself to change the screensaver from a picture slideshow. It kept her sane in their complicated work life.

Eva watched as the screen flickered from her and Traci's family to a picture of her and Neil at graduation. Cucumbers, they'd been so young then. Neil had his arm slung around her shoulders, holding bunny ears behind her head. They were both grinning like they'd won the lottery— and they might as well have, finishing double majors on time. Eva wrinkled her nose at the sight of her old braces before shutting off the system.

After triple checking that all her files were neatly placed in her bag and her diary was locked shut on the desk, Eva made her way back to the elevator. It was near midnight when she and Neil finished their mission earlier, so nobody else should've been in the building. She should've had the elevator all to herself.

… Which is why alarm bells started ringing in Eva's head when the doors didn't immediately open. Didn't they usually do that? She jammed her thumb down on the button again. And again. And again.

After a hard minute of slamming _Down_ , Eva decided she wouldn't get to relax tonight, after all. It figures. Ignoring the way the lights started to flicker, she braced herself and turned torwards the stairway. But before she could make it past the emergency exit, the lights gave out as well.

"You've got to be fluffing kidding me," she sighed, digging her forehead into her palms. Swearing up a storm, she rifled through her bag to fish out her phone for light.

There wasn't any good reason for the power to malfunction out of nowhere. Sigcorp liked to keep itself well maintained, especially when they could be called out at night, or if machines needed emergency repair. For everything to completely malfunction, both their backup generators would need to give out. She couldn't remember a time when it'd gone pitch black, even during the worst storms. Eva shone her flashlight around the hall, hoping to find some sort of clue, when she noticed light creeping out from under a very familiar office door.

She cursed under her breath. Didn't Neil tell her he was staying home for some Star Trek marathon? What was he doing with strange noises coming from inside his office, messing with who knows what? Eva was ready to give him a piece of her mind, but his door was locked, as usual.

"Neil!" She banged her hand against the door. "Neil, open up and tell me what the hell you did to the power!" The door rattled under her knocking, but Eva received no reply except for the sound of machines whirring inside. She threw her hands up in exasperation, ready to call up Roxie for lock-picking advice, when the smell of smoke began to waft through the air. Eva felt her heart drop as she frantically pulled on the door handle. " _Neil!_ "

After a few agonizingly long minutes, the door finally creaked open. Her partner was standing in the middle of what could've passed as a junkyard. Scraps of metal were lying around the floor, and there were burn marks on the walls. Neil himself was in a sorry state, his labcoat disheveled and one of his lenses shattered. Eva's eyes widened as she grabbed his shoulders.

"What happened?!" She gave him a quick once over. He didn't seem physically harmed, but the way his cheeks were covered in soot didn't make her feel any better. Neil only stared back with an equally shocked expression, but stayed silent. Eva's brow furrowed.

"Neil, what did you _do?_ " She took his broken glasses off, looking them over. They were badly damaged, and it was a wonder why he was still wearing them. Neil nervously rubbed the back of his neck, stammering as he answered.

"I'm… I'm not sure…" Neil was uncharacteristically soft spoken as he replied. It almost shocked Eva as much as the state of his office did.

"What do you _mean_ you're not sure? There's a blown-up traversal machine on your desk, and you're not _sure?_ "

"I'm sorry…" His eyes looked terrified as he said it, and Eva backed down a bit. Neil didn't seem to be in a good mood to answer, and his quiet tone wasn't doing anything for Eva's nerves. She took a deep breath and lead Neil out of the office.

"It's… It's okay. Let's talk outside, it smells like burnt rubber in here." She closed the door behind them, pinching her nose bridge. The lights still flickered, but it was no longer pitch black. Once they were in the hall, Eva gave him another once over. "Are you alright? You're not hurt or anything, are you?"

Neil might've looked fine, but Eva knew all too well what messing with memory traversal could do to him. She shone her flashlight in his eyes, biting her lip.

"I think I'm fine," Neil said, inspecting his charred sleeves. "I might have a little headache, but I don't think that's anything to worry about—"

"What?!"

"Did I say s—"

"That's everything to worry about!" Eva exclaimed. "Were you _in_ the machine before it gave out?"

"I don't…" Neil's gaze grew distant as he trailed off, and Eva had to shake his shoulders a bit.

"Neil, we don't have time—"

"I don't remember."

Eva's hands dropped to her sides, dread settling in her stomach. "What?"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Rosalane, but I don't…"

Eva took a step back, heart sinking further. "Dr. Rosalene?"

Neil gave a nervous laugh. "That's your name, isn't it?" He was pointing at the nametag on Eva's lapel. 

She blinked. The only times she's ever been called that were with clients, or when Neil was joking around. He seemed too serious for that now.

"... Isn't it?"

Eva's head started to spin. "Okay, very funny, Neil."

"Huh?" Neil looked a lot more convincing with his glasses off, she had to admit. The look in his eyes seemed so… lost. Almost scared.

"You know I never like it when you prank me, so just cut it out." That had to be it, right?

"I-I'm not…" Neil lowered his gaze, and Eva could feel her heart pounding in her ears.

"No, you're kidding. Come on, we don't have time for this!" She wanted so badly for him to crack into a grin right now, teasing her for being scared over nothing, but the moment never came.

Neil raised his hands defensively, but he couldn't speak, only shaking his head.

"This isn't funny!" Eva didn't care about how desperate she must've sounded. "You know who I am, Neil!"

"I don't think…" He swallowed. "I don't think I know much of anything."

Eva felt her back hit the wall. She looked to Neil, staring at his feet with a faraway look in his eyes, then back to his office door, the smell of smoke still seeping through the edges. She buried her face in her hands and groaned. This _really_ wasn't going to be a relaxing night.

"... I need to call Roxie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had this drafted for a while but paused because i saw other memory loss fics then figured whatever
> 
> im sorry for changing the title 3 times


	2. guide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (did you ever care to say  
> that you want [me?](https://youtu.be/bet8YWurCSQ))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is long sorry

"So, I've got good news and bad news."

Eva nervously looked over her shoulder. Neil was across the room, curiously inspecting his nametag well out of earshot. "That's not reassuring."

"Come on now, dear!" Roxie whined. "I did say I have good news, didn't I?"

"If it was so good, why are we whispering in a corner?"

Roxie rolled her eyes. "It's not like he knows what's going on," she gestured around Neil's ruined office. "Anywho, which one do you wanna hear first?"

The doctor thought back to her partner's behavior earlier. He was softspoken and hesitant and everything Neil Watts _shouldn't_ be. And Eva Rosalene was never a fan of uncertainty, especially not with someone she'd kept as close to her for as long as Neil was.

"Um," Eva took a deep breath. "I could use some good news right now."

"Alrighty!" Roxie clapped her hands together. "So the good news is, I've been working together with Neil on this custom machine of his, so if there was anyone who could figure out what happened here, I'm your gal!"

"Cus...Custom machine? That was a— actually, nevermind," Eva shook her head. That's another mystery she didn't need right now. In any case, it didn't surprise her. "What's the bad news?"

Roxie lowered her voice. "You know how Neil is… was. Always sneaking around and hiding things from us. It was never meant to do _this_ !" She gestured the scorched wallpaper. "I tried my best to get into his business, but that man is like a porcupine, Eva! I do _not_ know how you deal with it."

"You get used to it," Eva brushed the comment off. "Are you saying you can't actually recover the data from that thing?"

"Don't underestimate me dear, I said I could do it! It might just take a _little_ while."

Eva swallowed. She could probably get both of them a few days off on sick leave, but who knows how long she could handle Neil being so… off.

"Do you think you can get his memories back? From the data?"

"I can't make any promises, hon." Roxie frowned a bit. "I can get to the bottom of this mess, but I think getting Neil back is on you."

"Me?!" Neil looked up at her outburst while Roxie held a finger to her mouth. Eva shut her eyes and tried to calm down. "Why me? How would I even do it?"

"Come on, Eva, nobody else knows as much about him as you do."

"But why _me_?"

"Is that really a question?" Roxie huffed. "You're his closest friend! That, and nobody else needs to find out about this mess. If word gets out about this, we're _all_ in hot water."

"I'm… huh?" Eva took a step back. She couldn't have heard that right.

"This isn't news, dear. Come on, now."

"How do you know?"

Roxie looked at her like she was crazy. "Who doesn't know? Now run along, dear, you've had two missions today. I'll see you in the morning."

Eva nodded, jaw tight. "Thank you, Roxie. I mean it."

"It's no problem." The blonde waved her hand dismissively, moving to pick up bolts from the floor. "Believe me, I want to get to the bottom of this as much as you do."

* * *

"So… What do we do, exactly? At Sigmund Corp?" Neil was looking at her with big, curious eyes. Eva found it hard to look away— his spare glasses were non-reflective, and it's been years since she'd been able to read his face so clearly. He no longer looked as lost as he did earlier, now taking in everything as if seeing them for the first time.

(He might as well have been.)

"We work in memory alteration." Eva looked away again, trying to keep focused on the road ahead. She was driving them both home for the night, since Neil didn't remember where he lived. "Right before a person's death, we traverse through their mind and fulfill any desires they'd requested from us, giving them the illusion that they'd lived their life the way they wanted to."

"So we grant wishes!" Neil grinned like a child in a candy store, and Eva couldn't help but smile back. Sure, the job seemed heroic and glamorous, if you weren't in the business yourself. Eva decided not to bring up the protesters to him.

"Yes, Neil, we grant wishes. I'm a Senior Traversal Agent, so I do most of the work. You tag along as a technician so the machines don't go haywire on me."

"I must be doing a really good job, then." Neil scratched the back of his head. "Because it blew up on me, instead of you!"

Eva smirked. "If you were such a good tech specialist, it wouldn't have blown up at all, moron."

It was meant to be a light jab, but Neil shrunk into his seat from the corner of her eye. She turned to him, concerned. "Did I say something?"

"Am I really a moron?"

Eva was taken aback. "I… No, you're not." She pulled over to the side of the road, heart dropping to her feet. "That's just a thing we do, you know?" She was talking faster now, guilty that she'd slipped into old banter out of habit. "You call me a moron all the time. I didn't mean it, please don't look at me like that."

Neil looked only away, and Eva held her breath. A few moments passed before he would meet her eye again. "... Okay," was all he said.

The doctor nodded quickly and pulled back into gear, cursing herself for her carelessness. Roxie had warned her about this earlier, but old habits were hard to break.

_"It's just so unsettling, Rox!" Eva buried her face into her hands. "He's so… that's not Neil. I don't even know him anymore."_

_Neil was sitting at his desk, rifling through the drawers with curiosity. He was doing it in a very reserved manner, as if he was afraid something would break if he moved too fast. She couldn't blame him, seeing the state of the room._

_"I don't think he's a lost cause," Roxanne commented. "Just a little less guarded."_

_Eva gave her an inquisitive look."... What are you saying?"_

_"You can't tell me this is the first time you've seen him like this. The same goes for me."_

_The doctor hummed, trying to figure out what Roxie meant. Neil would only grow timid at times when their cases got too emotional, or when he was upset with her. Eva couldn't blame him, but the atmosphere always grew eerie when Neil no longer had the nerve to lighten the mood._

_They were the only times Eva was reminded that he really does care._

_"Are you telling me he's like this because he doesn't remember how to be a smartass anymore?"_

_"No," Roxie's voice softened. "But maybe he just doesn't remember why he does it."_

The car slowed to a stop in front of a small driveway. It was a little townhouse in a small, cozy neighborhood just a little ways from the city. Nothing incredibly fancy, but it was comfortable, and certainly more than enough for one doctor and her cat. Neil walked up to the little vegetable patch on the lawn with a smile on his face. "Do I live here?"

"No, this is my place. It's pretty late, and I don't feel comfortable leaving you on your own right now." That, and Neil lived in a little cramped apartment in the city. She wasn't in the mood for seeing his growing pile of pizza pocket wrappers, either.

"Oh, well, it's really nice. I love your garden, too."

Eva stared at him in disbelief, and Neil cocked his head to one side. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No," Eva shook her head. "You've just never been really fond of my gardening."

"Really? I think it's impressive!" Neil put his hands on his hips, smiling at the little row of cucumbers. They were all labelled with little nicknames on signs, and for the first time Neil didn't mock them. "I couldn't garden for the life of me."

Eva's eyes grew wide. "Can you say that again?"

"I… really suck at gardening?" Neil shrunk back again. "Is there a problem with..?"

"No, no, you're right! You're a terrible gardener! Oh, this is so great!" Eva couldn't help but grin as she took his hands in hers.

"Um… Gee, thanks." Neil gave her a slight frown as Eva started to chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just…" Eva slapped a palm on her forehead. "When this is over, you're going to _hate_ that what started making you remember things was my damn _vegetable patch._ "

She burst into another fit of giggles, whether from relief or hysteria she didn't know. The only thing she knew was that Neil wasn't gone for good. The smile he returned her was, like everything else today; unexpected and out of place. But it was warm and familiar, one she only saw in their quietest moments, filling her with warmth akin to an old friend.

* * *

The elated feeling couldn't last forever. As it turns out, Eva could answer less questions for Neil than he'd liked.

They were sitting on Eva's small couch in her living room, after cleaning themselves up and getting settled in. She'd insisted on giving Neil her bedroom for the night, but just as she was about to doze off, Neil had roused her awake, apparently still buzzing with curious energy.

Now she found herself with a soft blanket draped over her shoulders, a cup of coffee steaming in hand, and old yearbooks open on the armrests. Eva's cat, Dandelion, was contentedly snoring away on Neil's lap.

This would be nice, she thought, if it wasn't two in the morning, and they weren't busy racking their brains over Neil's past.

Simple answers were easy. "My name is Neil Michael Watts. 32 years old, doctorate in engineering, degree in psychology, I put ketchup on everything I eat, and my partner Eva Rosalene doesn't appreciate my good taste…"

He repeated everything like a mantra, incessantly, as if he stopped it would slip away from him again in a second. Eva waited patiently for him to get his bearings together. But when it came to details, they'd gotten stuck in a rut, and the two quickly found themselves in a frustrating pattern.

"Any past partners? Boyfriends? Girlfriends?"

"Not a clue."

"Do I have any siblings? Any close family at all?"

"If you did, you've never told me."

"Are my parents even still around?"

"I might've seen your mother once, at graduation, but…"

Neil pinched his nose bridge and sucked in a breath. Things weren't coming in clearly or quickly enough for him, and Eva couldn't find it in herself to be upset. She sighed, running her thumb over the glossy pages of the yearbook. Of course light childhood memories of playgrounds and drama class wouldn't be enough to fill the hole in his heart. She just wished she knew what could.

"I thought we'd be able to cover more ground than this," Neil sighed.

Eva closed her eyes, leaning back into the couch. "I'm sorry. I was kind of hoping you'd have all the answers."

Neil shot her a sideways glance. "Yeah, sure, leave it to the amnesiac to remember everything for you." He playfully shoved her shoulder as he said it, but it wasn't enough to hide the disappointment in his voice. Eva was just glad some of his snark was returning at all.

Her partner leaned back into the couch with her, fixing his gaze at the ceiling. Neil still fiddled with his nametag in his hands, twirling the clip between his fingers. After another deep breath, he turned back to her. "Could you at least tell me about this?"

He was raising his nametag up to her. Eva took it and looked it over. DR. NEIL WATTS - JR TECHNICIAN SPECIALIST, it read.

"What about it?"

"Well, mine says Junior, and you're a Senior agent. I can't say I'm not jealous of the gold trims on your labcoat. What gives?" Neil waved at the Eva's uniform on the hanger. "You can't tell me it's because I'm a moron. That excuse is getting old."

 _That_ finally got to lighten Eva's mood. She closed the book and set it aside, giving Neil a small grin. "Now this, I can answer."

_The cafe they'd met in was bustling with people, the energy in the small room matching the wide grin on Neil's face. It was nothing she'd expected from a pretty hole-in-the-wall joint, having only two barista's on duty while the tables were packed with students. Eva had to admit she felt a little out of place among all the younger people and their newer phones._

_"Trust me, Eves, the coffee here is to_ die _for," Neil said, tapping his fingers excitedly on the table. It was a miracle they were even able to get one to themselves among all the commotion. "I should know— I'm still as much a coffee connoisseur as I was in college."_

_Eva let out a small laugh. Neil was just as she'd remembered him, all cheesy grins and big gestures, like a sun that never seemed to set. For all the uncertainty that came with adulthood, it was nice to know some things never changed._

_"Are you still a wuss, too?" she joked, and Neil stuck his tongue at her. They'd gone back and forth on this argument a million times, now—_ 'The science lab has no right being on the fourteenth floor!'— _and it wasn't long until the two slipped into an old familiar routine, one usually reserved for breaks between class and late nights before finals._

_If it were up to Eva, this moment would last forever. But her phone weighed heavy in her pocket, and she knew a call could come at any time. She couldn't afford the risk._

_"Why did you call me here?" Eva asked as their orders came. Neil took his time with preparing his drink, and Eva couldn't tell if he was delaying the answer, or if he just always liked adding ungodly amounts of sugar in coffee._

_"What, I can't catch up with an old classmate?" Neil clutched his chest in mock disgust, earning a long eye roll from Eva._

_"You're Neil Watts. You don't just_ catch up _with people," she pointed out. "Especially not after four years of near-radio silence."_

_"I tweeted you on your birthdays."_

_"Neil."_

_The man sighed, propping his feet up on the table— was he even allowed to do that?— and took a long, long sip from his drink. Eva drummed her fingers on her cup, shooting him an impatient look._

_"Alright, my job at Hermann Corp just isn't cutting it," Neil finally said. "It's abysmal over there, they can't even complete half their patients' contracts! The client rate is dropping to it's death, and so is my paycheck. Pretty sure half the people I started out with booked it months ago. I need—"_

_"—A favor. Classic Neil," Eva finished._

_"Look, it's not much, but you know how Sigmund is! Your acceptance rate is crazy, and I don't even know where to start on the entrance exams! It'd be great to get help from an agent inside!"_

_"So you want me to help you cheat?" Suddenly the coffee in Eva's cup grew sour. They agreed that they wouldn't enter the same companies after college, lest they drive all their co-workers up a wall. It was a miracle their professors could even stand their never-ending debates._

_"Eva, Eva, Eva, I would_ never _cheat," Neil waved a finger accusingly. "I know you're not convinced that I got higher grades fair and square, but you_ need _to move on."_

_"I can't just tell you the answers, you know," Eva sighed. She wasn't against the idea of working alongside Neil. A small part of Eva was urging her to go with it, there aren't any co-workers she particularly got along with, anyway. It'd be nice to have a familiar face on the team. But... "It's against the rules."_

_"I haven't forgotten how you are about rules, Eves," Neil leaned forward, giving her what was probably an attempt at puppy-dog eyes, if his lenses weren't so damn reflective. "I'm just asking you for some pointers. Think of it as repaying me for my notes in Prof. Strickler's class. Tell me what I need to prepare for, maybe do a little sweet talk with the bosses—"_

_"Woah, wait. What would I even say to my bosses?"_

_"Recommend me!" He made a big show of his hands. "Dr. Neil Watts, genius technician of awesomeness!"_

_"How is that supposed to convince anyone?"_

_"I know they can't say no to the brilliant Dr. Eva Rosalene," Neil smirked. "Especially not when it's her old friend."_

Neil was on the edge of his seat the entire story, absentmindedly stroking Dandelion under her ear. He was clearly trying to hold in a laugh.

"What's so funny?" Eva asked.

"I'm pretty sure I could've passed that exam without you," he remarked. "Now that you mention it, the test was so easy I could've done it in my sleep!"

Eva paused, then tossed a pillow at Neil's face. "Asshole," she said. "Do you know how hard it was to schedule a meeting with my bosses just to talk about some old interesting _friend?_ "

"Priceless!" Neil was chuckling now, steadying himself with hands on his knees. Dandelion jumped off and walked into the next room, tail twitching in irritation. Eva looked away with a huff, though she was just barely containing a laugh herself. She closed her eyes again, taking in the old sound of Neil laughing at his own jokes. But just as she was about to doze off, the room grew quiet once more. She pried one eye open to look at her partner.

The smile on Neil's face grew smaller and smaller, and his stare wouldn't leave the rug. "Is that what we are, though?" he asked, once again in a quiet tone. "Are we friends?"

Eva wanted to tell him off, say that there was no doubt of it, but a nagging feeling told her that would be lying. Neil didn't say anything after that, but there was a question clear in his eyes, carrying a weight that bore deep into her chest. _"Then why don't you know me?"_

And Eva, of course, knew the answer, but she'd never admit it to him, not while he was like this. It was just the unspoken truth— because he was Neil Watts and she was Eva Rosalene, because he'd kept the world at an arms length his entire life and she'd just stopped trying. Because to Neil, connections were like drawing close to a flame, and they were both afraid of getting burned.

After a beat of silence, Eva finally replied. "For what it's worth," she said, a yawn in her voice as her eyelids grew heavy. "I think you're my best friend."

She didn't dare continue, but the rest of the context hung heavy in the air. _'But I don't know if I'm yours.'_

Neil only hummed in reply, silent for a few moments before he got up to retreat to the bedroom. Eva felt herself being laid to one side, the blanket being pulled up to her shoulders, but she was too tired to protest. A selfish part of her enjoyed how gentle Neil was being now, with how rare it was to see it.

 _Selfish,_ Eva thought, mind buzzing in a haze while her thoughts lulled her to sleep. Yeah, that was one way to put it. It must have been selfish of her to only try so hard now when it was too late, only realizing how much she'd needed him when he was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (that's all i wanted)


	3. him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (there's a blinding light  
> that only i can see)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting at 5am i make no promises wrt quality

Eva woke up to the sound of singing.

It wasn't a familiar tune, but it felt soothing nonetheless. She could feel it oh-so-slightly numbing the aching headache she'd gotten from pulling an all-nighter. Eva cursed herself for having such a diligent body clock. Right, she hadn't needed to come into work today anyway, right? There was no rush to get out of bed.

Eva sunk back under the covers, taking in the brisk early-morning air. Aside from the time, it really wasn't the worst way to wake up; with sunlight streaming softly through the window, Dandelion purring away on her chest, the smell of pancakes wafting through the air… huh?

The doctor's eyes shot back open as she sat up on the couch. She didn't even remember _owning_ any pancake mix, and the singing was _definitely_ not from her radio. Luckily her house was small enough for all the rooms to be stuck together, and she could spot a familiar figure from her seat, doing a little dance in her kitchen. He waved his spatula upon spotting her.

"Morning!" Neil moved to flip a pancake onto a plate. It was already a foot tall with breakfasts. "Sorry, I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"It's fine," Eva stretched her back over the couch, scratching Dandelion under the ear. "You didn't have to make breakfast for me, you know."

Neil waved her off. "Don't worry about it. I'm starting to remember the little things, now."

"Oh?"

"Yep. Like grandpa's favorite flapjack recipe, that musical we put on in senior high…" He smirked, drizzling maple syrup around the plate. "And how goddamn _awful_ you are at cooking."

Eva smacked her forehead. "Of course." It's not like she can complain, that was the most Neil-like thing he's said in the past day. And he wasn't wrong, she hadn't had a home-cooked meal in _ages_ for that reason. Her stomach growled as Neil started coating the stack in powdered sugar.

"Aha, nobody can say no to the famous Wattscakes!" He gave her a wink.

"Call them that again and I just might."

"You wouldn't," Neil said, setting plates down. "You've practically been drooling since you've spotted em! Come and eat already."

Eva nodded, a little too eagerly, quickly cleaning up and sitting across Neil at the counter. He'd often boasted about his cooking skills during missions, but she'd never gotten the chance to try them herself. It was just another thing Neil liked to lock away.

"What brought this on?" Eva asked, muffled with a mouth full of pancakes. All table manners were thrown aside— she couldn't help herself now, these were _good_. Neil didn't hold back, either. He chuckled, a line of blueberry dribbling down his chin.

"You've gone through all this trouble, helping me out, letting me stay for the night…" He turned away, cheeks flushing. "I figured it's the least I could do."

Eva playfully reached over and stole a berry from his plate. "Well, it works for me," she smirked. "Maybe you should lose your memories more often. Old Neil would _never_ let me do this." She popped the fruit into her mouth.

Neil pouted, holding his plate closer. "I'm still Neil, thank you very much, and you can't do that either!" Eva just stuck her tongue out at him.

After the huge breakfast, Eva wanted to at least wash the dishes on her own, but Neil was even stubborn about that. They stood at the sink, elbows gently bumping, Neil humming that old tune again as they scrubbed the plates together.

"It's fine, really," he insisted. "I figured I was never a really great friend before, so… it might be a good time to start now."

* * *

Eva stood close next to Neil, her foot tapping impatiently. She didn't want to rush him before he was ready, but the air outside was chilly, and she wasn't planning on spending her day off freezing in front of Neil's apartment.

"Is something wrong?" she finally asked, after a long beat of silence. "You didn't forget how to unlock doors, did you?"

Neil jumped, startled out of his daze. "Oh? Uh…" He shook his head, eyes shut tight. "I'm fine."

"Then what's up? Don't tell me you secretly had staring at front doors as a hobby, too."

Her partner chuckled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "I don't know, it's just… It's funny." His hand tightened around the keys. "I have no idea what's in there, but I'm terrified of going in."

Eva swallowed, not knowing how to respond. Neil still hadn't moved an inch, so she gently reached over for his hand, taking the keys from him. She was met with no resistance.

"C'mon," she said, holding the door open. "Let's get Neil Watts back."

The inside of his home was nothing like she'd remembered. Granted, Eva had only come over for minutes at a time, usually as a quick stop on the way to their office, and Neil had never let her see past the living room. But now not even a sock was out of place, and the room had a chilly, foreign air to it.

"Any memories coming up?" she asked. Neil shook his head, lips pressed together. He made his way through the room carefully, looking oddly out of place for someone walking through his own home. An unsettling feeling coiled in Eva's stomach as he approached the kitchen counter.

She hadn't noticed it when they first walked in, but Neil had been eyeing a small envelope lying on the counter. It stuck out from the otherwise empty table. He picked it up and ran his thumb around the edges.

"... It's addressed to _you_."

Neil handed it over without looking at the contents. Eva made a surprised noise, turning it over. The air in the room seemed to freeze up as she surveyed the envelope. It was blank, save for her name scribbled on one corner of the paper. What was this doing in Neil's house? Did he forget to send it? She braced herself as she tore the cover open.

" _Eva_ ,

_I'm sorry I ran away._

_Please don't come after me."_

Eva blinked. That couldn't be right. Was Neil planning to leave? Where would he even go? And why address _her?_ The questions kept piling on higher and higher, and her head began to ache. She handed the letter back to him.

"Any idea what this was supposed to mean?"

Neil gripped the paper tight, eyes darkening. If he recalled anything, he didn't let Eva know. She felt her blood pounding in her ears as her partner replied, falling back into his old telltale way of lying.

"Your guess is as good as mine."

* * *

The rest of the apartment turned out to be as uneventful as it looked. After a few hours of turning the house upside down, the duo sat on the bed in defeat. Neil wasn't a fan of keeping any photos or trinkets up, instead preferring to hang up tasteless inspirational posters or line the tables with gunpla. Eva wasn't very interested in hearing about all the anime he'd happily rediscovered.

"This is a lot more anticlimactic than I'd hoped for," Eva sighed. The only surprise she'd gotten is that somehow Neil'd kept her bonsai tree alive from three Christmases ago. The man only shrugged.

"I don't know about you, but remembering the entirety of my Dragonball marathon is pretty great," he grinned. "Like, when did I have the time to _watch_ all of that!"

"You're a real mystery, Neil Watts." Eva rolled her eyes. She was about to suggest that they try the office instead, when she spotted a door in the corner of his bedroom, partly blocked by a bookshelf. "... And you just keep getting stranger."

Neil's breath hitched when he caught onto what Eva was eyeing. "Y'know, this is usually how people get killed in horror movies."

"Don't be a baby," she scoffed. "Help me move your shelf away."

Once the doorway was cleared, Eva tried pulling at the handle, but to no avail. She glared at the small screen by the frame. "... Did you seriously add a biometric lock to your _closet?_ "

"Eugh, now I _really_ don't want you opening this." Neil's mouth twisted in disgust. "I don't wanna see if I've got some secret magazine stash or something."

"Okay, gross," Eva playfully shoved his shoulder, hoping to ease his apparent nerves. The tension in the room was thick enough to slice through. "Let's just get this over with."

Neil sucked in a breath, eyes shut tight. There was a small _click_ as he pressed his thumb to the scanner, unlocking the door by just a sliver. Eva moved in to swing it open, but Neil held a hand up to stop her, stepping forward to do it himself.

Eva didn't know what she expected to be inside the closet, but being greeted by a wall of science trophies wasn't it. The shelf in front of her was stacked with them, from cheap plastic knock-offs in elementary fairs, to big certificates when they would be called out to competitions. She moved past Neil to pick up a small medal they'd each won at a county Math-a-lon.

"You kept this?" Eva was smiling softly. "Hell, I think I lost _mine_ during our big move…"

Neil looked over his shoulder, setting down a large robotics trophy. "I think I kept… everything," he said, a little breathless.

Eva pulled herself back from the trophy shelf to study the room. It was barely big enough for the two of them to stand more than a foot apart, the walls all lined with shelves filled to the brim with memorabilia. Aside from the trophies, Eva spotted a shelf lined with frames and scrapbooks. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding— Neil was more sentimental than she'd given him credit for, and this closet was their best bet on bringing him home.

Her gaze settled on a familiar picture on the lower row. She picked it up with a small smile, holding it up for Neil to see. "This look familiar to you?"

Stars seemed to glitter in Neil's eyes as he leaned forward to examine the photo. It was one of the more recent ones on his shelf, but some time had clearly passed since it was taken. Eva and Neil were standing side by side in front of an office door, Eva still in her old, plain white lab coat. Roxie was peeking in from the side of the frame, flashing a peace sign and a wink. They'd all looked so much happier then.

"My first day at Sigcorp!" Neil was grinning widely. "Man, look at these little babyfaces."

"We were 27."

"Babies!" he laughed. "Geez, I forgot Rox came with me from Hermann too, I bet _she_ aced the exam without any help…"

Eva rolled her eyes, moving to pull down more frames from his shelf. Neil seemed to save every major event in his life. There was one of Neil and Eva surrounded by their Math Club friends at graduation. Another showed Neil and Eva during their 8th grade field trip, both smiling and holding up bundles of beetles they'd found in a bush. Neil was looking curiously over her shoulder as she pointed out each one, eyes glittering with recognition.

A small, faded polaroid showed the two of them playing in the dirt of a bright rose garden. She'd recognized that one instantly— it was in Eva's first house back in 3rd grade, the first time she'd brought a friend home from school. They were both so ecstatic, then.

"We really go way back, huh?" There was a fondness in his tone that Eva missed dearly. "Jesus, how _old_ are some of these…"

"My yearbooks really can't compare," she chuckled. "I think we met all the way back in 2nd grade. When you—"

"No, no, don't tell me!" Neil clapped a hand over Eva's mouth. "It feels like I haven't remembered these in forever," and in a smaller voice, he said, "I wanna relive it myself."

* * *

The sun had nearly set by the time they'd cleared out the shelves. Neil's apartment was no longer in the spotless state they'd found it in, the floor now covered in scrapbooks and trinkets and all sorts of strange things he'd kept for some reason. Eva didn't question it, though she wished Neil would speak up whenever he found something interesting but didn't share the memory. Maybe she'll never learn the story behind the box of silly bandz that nearly brought Neil to tears.

Eva left him to mull over an old toy soldier as she started to pack everything back up into the closet. She didn't understand _why_ he'd locked everything up and barricaded it, but now that Neil was steadily returning to his old self, she didn't want to risk upsetting him over his old, strange habits. For the first time he was letting her see him in a new light, and that was more than enough.

But just as she was trying to return the voice recorder to the top shelf— hadn't Neil sworn he'd thrown it away?— her foot caught on something hard. She winced at the impact and rubbed at her ankle. Whatever she'd tripped over, it was clunky and metallic.

Eva wondered how'd they'd missed this in their search. Old cloth covered a good part the floorspace, though it looked so dark and ragged that she didn't give it a second thought earlier. They were cleverly hidden in a dark patch underneath the shelving. After checking to see if Neil was watching, she carefully peeled back the covers, revealing something that made her heart stop.

"Another traversal machine..?" she whispered. There was no doubt that this was one of theirs, though it was a much older model. Probably no longer in use, but the faded Sigcorp logo on the side was unmistakable. Eva frowned as she opened the top, finding all sorts of new parts jammed in and taped onto everything. It reminded her of Frankenstein; everything was clearly taken from different machines, clashing together on one big mess. She was sure it would blow up if she even tried to turn it on.

Behind the monstrosity she'd uncovered, there was a large cardboard box and a few manila folders, all worn with age. Eva didn't hesitate before reaching over to open them, but before she could, a voice stopped her from behind.

"What are you doing?"

Eva turned around to see Neil in the doorway, his jaw set. He nudged her aside with a little urgency, quickly covering the mess up again. He didn't stop take a peek inside before shoving the items back into a corner.

"Don't you think that maybe people hide things for a reason?"

"But what if it's important?" Eva pushed. "What if these really help in getting your—"

"How would you know what's important to me?" Neil snapped back, his brows furrowing. Eva huffed.

"You're right, I wouldn't," she said. "Because you never tell me!"

They glared at each other, breaths growing ragged. Eva couldn't understand why Neil was pulling back. She felt tears pricking at her eyes, but there was no way she could back down now, not when they'd come so far. If she was going to fight for this, she had to go all the way.

Moments passed before Neil's eyes sunk to the ground as he swiped at his eyes, defeated. There was a hint of terror in his face as he considered the boxes again, but he seemed to understand the urgency.

"Okay," he finally said. "But only because… we're friends."

The words sounded unfamiliar coming out of Neil's mouth, but they sent a wave of relief washing over Eva. _Friends_. That's what they always were. That's what she'd always wanted to be.

That's what they were going to be, from now on.

Neil reached for the box himself, setting it between him and Eva before opening the lid. It was another collection of photographs, but all of them seemed to be around the same age. Eva picked up the one sitting on the top, blinking in surprise.

On the photo was a much younger Neil sporting a toothy grin, standing next to an old man in what looked like a small cockpit. Neil had both his hands on the controls as the man laid a hand on his shoulder.

"... I didn't know your grandfather was a pilot."

"He was."

"I thought you were afraid of heights?"

"I am."

Neil went silent once more, his eyes glazing over. Eva didn't press further then, knowing he needed a moment while remembering what happened. She tried to read his expression, see if this was a happy memory or not, but Neil's face had gone slack, impossible to perceive. She reached back into the box.

The rest of the photos were similar to the first. There was Neil sitting on the beach with his grandfather, water splashing around his skinny ankles as he triumphantly raised up a starfish. Another had them both sitting in a wide, grassy field, with a large picnic mat and a tent set up behind them. No doubt this was one of those "camping" trips he'd told her about. She'd passed the photos onto Neil one by one, watching his eyebrows twitch, but otherwise showing no signs of emotion.

Sitting under all the photos, there was a large envelope laying face down. It looked much newer than anything else in the box. Eva turned it over curiously, and her eyes widened at the cover. There was a Sigcorp logo emblazoned on it, meaning it was taken from their archives. She would've dropped it in shock if Neil hadn't suddenly snapped it up.

"We're not supposed to take home case files," Eva warned. "You know that."

"I thought you said this would be important?"

Eva swallowed. "... Promise me you'll tell me what's inside?"

Neil paused, his expression almost terrified as he considered her words. Eventually he nodded, moving over to sit next to Eva as he opened the folder.

"Mission 003937. Michael Watts," he read. "Agents: Dr. Neil Watts, and… Dr. Robert Lin."

"Rob?!" Eva exclaimed. Neil could hardly even stand in the same room as the man. "You never told me you took on missions with him!"

"I think I cycled through a few other doctors during my first week," Neil explained. "It took a bit before they figured out the Bestest Detectives were their greatest team."

He flipped through the logs quickly, uninterested in whatever Robert might've had to say. It wasn't until the last page that he stopped in his tracks.

"Results…"

_"How could you let this happen!" Neil exclaimed, his eyes burning with fury. He jabbed a finger in Robert's chest accusingly._

_"We ran out of time, Neil," Robert held up his hands in defeat. "You_ know _how these things could go. Mr. Watts had a_ brain hemorrhage _from the crash_ , _you can't expect him to hold out for so long under the machine."_

_The two doctors were sitting in a cramped hospital ward. No other visitors had come aside from the general doctor, and the atmosphere was grim. Neil's hands were balled into fists as he paced around the tight floor._

_"I thought Sigmund Corp. was supposed to be the best of the best," he seethed. "We couldn't even make_ one _old geezer happy!"_

_"We've made plenty of wishes come true, Neil," Robert sighed. "But sometimes things… Just don't go your way. We can't always win."_

_"But it was such a simple wish!" Neil couldn't even bear to look at the corpse. "Make his family take him back. It's not like he asked to be a fucking celebrity!"_

_"I understand why you're upset, Neil. This is why we don't_ usually let _people take on relatives' cases—"_

 _Neil hit his fist against the wall, shaking. "I thought we could make this right," he said. "You're a_ senior _agent from_ Sigcorp. _for God's sake, and we couldn't even grant_ one _man's wish!" His voice echoed through the room._

_Robert seemed to be at a loss for words, no longer having the energy to argue. He silently began to pack up the machine, leaving his partner to mourn in peace. The family doctor couldn't look the two in the eye, busying himself with a bundle of paperwork._

_It was all over now, wasn't it? After all these years of chasing a daydream, it felt like everything had come crashing down all at once. His move to Sigcorp was useless. His entire college career was useless._

_He was useless._

_"Grandfather…" Neil swiped furiously at his eyes. He promised that he wouldn't let himself cry over the mission. It was just another promise to the old man that Neil wasn't able to keep. "I—"_

Neil was interrupted by the loud ring of a cellphone. Eva cursed under her breath, digging it out of her pocket to shut it off, but she paused at the caller ID.

"Roxie? What's wrong?"

"I recovered all the data. From the machine."

Eva looked back at Neil, still silently glaring at the folder, before rushing out to lock herself in his bathroom. "Tell me what happened to him."

"Before I say anything, you need to know exactly what Neil was doing with this," Roxie explained. "We were working on a new model of traversal machines, one that could revolutionize the world of memory alteration forever."

"What… What exactly were you building?" A dreaded feeling sunk into her chest as she remembered the spare in Neil's home.

"Neil's goal was to create a machine that could detect your wish for you, and grant it alone, no agents involved. He really was planning to become a game changer, Eva."

"Okay, but what does this have to do with the explosion? And the memory loss?"

"Here's the thing, dear," Roxie sounded on-edge now, and Eva felt her heart dropping to her feet. "When Neil was testing it on himself that night… it worked."

The words felt like a blow to her chest, and Eva fell back against the wall. A cold sweat broke out on her forehead, but she couldn't think of anything to say.

"Listen, it's very important we don't let Neil remember," Roxie warned. "Is he with you right now?"

She'd left him alone in the room. Alone with his grandfather's files.

_"I'm sorry I ran away."_

"Eva? Where is he? Let me talk to—"

The phone clattered to the ground as Eva ran back into the bedroom. The photos and files were scattered around the floor now, looking like they were thrown against a wall. Her eyes darted frantically around the apartment.

_"Please don't come after me."_

"Neil!" Eva called out, but she got no answer. She ran into the closet, her heart feeling like it was about to burst out of her chest.

The machine was gone.

Eva sank to her knees, feeling her eyes start to well up with tears. The sound of an engine roared loudly outside the apartment window, and she could do nothing but listen to it fade into the distance. She couldn't even begin to imagine where it was going.

The tears grew hot and heavy, dripping down her cheeks. Was this the reward she'd earned, chasing after for a friend who was always out of her reach? Eva couldn't feel anything past the dread that welled up in her chest, threatening to consume her. She could barely manage to drag herself back to the bathroom, where Roxie was still holding out on call.

"... I lost him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the pilot grandfather was from the rpgmaker files, but i dont remember if it made it to the final game? little bit of neil lore that i can mess with, i guess
> 
> thank you for reading this far, o7! i wrote this almost entirely while playing toontown
> 
> one more (prolly shorter) chap left then an epilogue


	4. home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (nobody, no  
> nobody but me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is technically the last chapter, the 5th listed one is an epilogue. 
> 
> thank you for sticking with me this far!

"Eva! Please, talk to me!"

The doctor shut her eyes tight, but it did nothing to stop the tears from running down her face. She was pretty sure Roxie couldn't understand her garbled sobs right now.

"Eva, c'mon! You need to calm down!"

She tried her best to swallow the lump in her throat. Roxie hummed worriedly into the phone, trying to fit the pieces together.

"The cat must be out of the bag, huh?" Roxie murmured. "There's no time for crying then, we need to go after him, hon!"

Eva shook her head, stifling another sob. "I can't," she said. "I have no idea where he is. I don't even know where to start."

Neil'd gotten most of his memories back by now. There were endless places she didn't know about that he could've escaped to. He was probably already erasing himself again, and Eva could only sit numbly in this cold room.

"Pull yourself together!" Roxie snapped. "You told me you were headed to his place, right? Can you figure out where he went from there?"

"I don't know," Eva answered. "You said it yourself, he's like a porcupine, I have no idea where…" she trailed off.

There was a short pause, and she hugged herself tightly. Eva Rosalene always went out of her way to make sure she never failed a patient, but what good does that do if she couldn't even save Neil? She was sure her sobs sounded pathetic over the call, but Roxie's voice was calm as she replied.

"Eva, dear, I don't think he's even let anyone _else_ in his house before," Roxie said. "If there's anyone who has even the slightest chance of finding him, it's you."

Her breath hitched, and last night's conversation ran through her mind. It seemed so long ago since she'd heard it, but her heart still refused to believe it was true.

_"You're his closest friend!"_

If this past day had taught her anything, it was that maybe she never knew Neil at all to begin with. What kind of partner was she, to not even know about Neil's first mission?

 _"For what it's worth, I think you're_ my _best friend."_

So much for that. Neil didn't even trust her enough to tell her why he really switched to Sigcorp. His lack of trust in her stung, but Eva couldn't find it in herself to blame him. The man didn't seem to let anyone else in, and she might've been the closest thing he had to a friend.

"Eva, we don't have time, are you going after him?"

She wiped her eyes. The two of them spent their lives in an awkward dance, just barely out of each other's reach. Eva never thought Neil would push himself far away enough to fall out of her life completely. But, still...

_"It might be a good time to start now."_

"Eva?"

That's right, all she was doing now was letting Neil get away again. Eva didn't think she could bear it a second time around. She at least owed it to him to try.

(She was the only person he'd left a note for, after all.)

Her heart felt heavy as she picked herself off the ground, heading back into Neil's room. The photos were still scattered over the ground, and they almost felt fragile as Eva gently picked them up again. She held them up against the curtains, the blurred backgrounds just barely visible in the fading light.

"Okay," she said. "But I need your help."

* * *

The sky was dark by the time Eva parked her car and ran out. If they'd gotten the place wrong, Neil was done for. She trudged up the hill in a hurry, trying not to trip over stray roots that jutted out into the path.

It was a gamble, since Eva could barely make out the trees in the photo. She was thankful for whatever plant knowledge she'd already had. Roxie figured that this would be the closest stargazing spot to the city that matched her description, but the journey up the hill was long and grueling, and they already wasted so much time finding it. She considered throwing caution to the wind and sprinting ahead when the distinct sound of a horn beeped behind her.

A familiar sky blue motorcycle circled around Eva's heels and skidded to a halt, nearly throwing both its passengers off the side. Roxie's blonde head popped out from under the driver's helmet, wearing a cheeky grin.

"Hi dear! Looks like we made it!" She kicked her bike stand down before running up to Eva's side. Her companion stumbled as he followed suit, balancing a toolkit under one arm while trying to wrestle his helmet off.

"Remind me again why we couldn't take my car?" Robert wheezed, his face pale from the ride. Roxie only slapped him on the shoulder and pulled him along.

"We're in a rush, dear! You drive like an old man!"

"For the last time, I'm only fourt—"

"Rob?" Eva gasped. "Why did you come along?"

His mouth twisted as he adjusted the toolkit in his hold, awkwardly picking his way up the hill. "Roxanne asked for my help," he said. "That's all."

Eva cocked her head to one side. "I thought Neil drove you insane."

"He still does," Robert replied. "But… That might be partly my fault. If there was any time for me to make peace with him, it's now."

Eva nodded, deciding not to press further. She never considered what weight Rob might've been carrying from that case too, all these years. All Eva could do was squeeze his shoulder assuringly.

Neither of them were going to let him down, not again.

"Over there!" Roxie was pointing at a shadow atop the hill. In the distance, Eva could see the unmistakable outline of a car parked next to a large tree, and her heart nearly leaped out of her chest. The trio rushed closer, a familiar figure huddled underneath the branches.

"Neil!" Eva rushed over to his side. Neil's face was deathly pale, and she could see his lips starting to turn blue. His eyes were partly obscured by the makeshift machine's helmet, the monstrosity making concerning noises while it was hooked up to Neil's car battery. Eva felt her heart wrenching as she quickly wrapped her own coat around his shivering frame. He didn't bring anything warm when he stormed out, and looked like he was about to freeze to death on that hill.

"Help me get him out of this thing!" Eva yelled at Roxie, fingers getting ready to yank out the wires, but a small hand stopped her.

"Wait!" Roxie shouted. "You saw what happened to Neil's latest build! This prototype could catch fire if we even _looked_ at it wrong!"

"But we can't just leave him inside," Robert said. "We can't afford to run out of time!" There was a twinge of guilt in his voice, his grip tightening on the helmet.

"Don't you think I know that?" Roxie was fiddling with the control panel, cursing at the wave of _ERROR_ messages that popped up. "But I can't risk rushing—"

"Don't you care about him?!" Eva pleaded. It must've been the wrong thing to say, because Roxie's eyes glossed over as she balled her fists in the grass.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't!" Roxie snapped back. "I know you're all worried about Neil. I am too!" Her voice started to crack as she continued. "He was my _only_ friend back at Hermann. So I need you to calm down, because we can't mess this up and we can't let him _die_."

A heavy silence settled between them. The stars started gently twinkling above, and Eva stared ahead, numbly. The whirring of the machine and the crying cicadas were almost deafening right now, and Neil still wasn't around to calm her down. It made Eva's heart ache.

"Neil would probably laugh his head off if he knew people cared about him," she sniffed. He'd brush it off and be an ass about it, but he'd be _here._

"It's not too late," Roxie replied, turning back to the screen. Robert passed over the toolkit as she tapped at the keyboard again.

"It looks like the wish hasn't started yet. This prototype was a much slower build than the registered machine we were working on. I can buy us a few minutes, but one of us needs to get Neil to call it off himself." She waved at an extra helmet Neil left in his car seat. It looked more worn out than the one he was wearing, but it would have to do.

Eva didn't hesitate before lunging for the spare. Robert looked like he wanted to argue, ready to reach for it himself, but she held it tighter, putting her foot down. Only Roxie seemed to understand her insistence, nodding firmly and hooking it up to the machine.

"You better not die in there," Roxie said, a bittersweet smile on her face. "I'm treating us all to ice cream when this is over, and everyone has to be there. Got it?"

Eva gave a shaky smile back, sitting down next to Neil under the tree. Her fingers ghosted over his own icy ones before she held his hand tight. "Only if you let me treat you to pancakes, too," she said.

Robert shook his head, sitting next to Roxie and double-checking her wiring. "I don't think that's necessary, Eva," he said. "Your cooking didn't exactly turn out well last employee potluck."

Eva gave Neil one last look before putting on the helmet. His eyes were shut tight and his lip trembled, looking as terrified as he did the night she lost him. She never wanted to see him look like that again.

"I know a guy," she replied. "And I'm on my way to get him back."

* * *

The plunge felt much different from the ones Eva was used to. She would fold in on herself if she could feel her body, but right now it felt like her consciousness was floating in a huge void. Even if she screamed, she was sure there would be no sound.

It was cold. That was the only feeling that was tangible right now, coldness and darkness that seemed to go on forever. For a terrifying minute she thought something might have gone wrong, or the machine might've rejected her. But soon enough a faint light began to materialize in front of her, and she could make out the Sigmund Corp logo in the distance.

As she floated closer, it began to glitch and warp into an amalgamation of things, some she recognized logos for parts, others completely foreign. Finally the pixels settled on one image— a poorly drawn anime portrait of Neil, winking and giving a thumbs up. Eva almost laughed, despite the bleak situation.

A small speech bubble popped up over the drawing's head. _INITIALIZING:_ _2%,_ it read. Eva watched as the number moved to 3, to 4, before suddenly jumping to 52. Before she could say anything it boosted to 100, and the logo began to flicker out.

And then there was nothing.

And just as suddenly, there was everything.

Eva found herself face down on the ground, flashing lights whirling all around her. It took her eyes a second to adjust to the brightness of her surroundings. Images were swirling around her like a whirlwind, and she could just barely make out what they were.

"Eva? Can you hear me?" Roxie's voice echoed through the air.

"Loud and clear," Eva replied. Neil's helmet seemed to reject all outside communication, but Roxie was able to keep in contact for Eva's traversal.

"We've dropped you into Neil's memory bank," Robert's voice popped up. "You need to find him and get him out before the machine completes it's task."

"Got it." Eva shakily picked herself up, squinting at the images around her. Most of them were blurred, quick snippets of Neil's lifetime rushing around in small vignettes. She watched a clip of Neil and an older girl sitting in a kitchen, the girl guiding his hands as they flipped a pancake together. There were colorful silly bandz in her familiar brown hair.

More similar memories whirled about, and for a moment Eva was transfixed by the sight of them. There was Neil and his father, teaching him how to drive for the first time. Another showed Neil in his mother's lap, eyes shining bright as he unwrapped a present full of toy soldiers. All of them rushed past her, too fast to linger on for very long.

There was one group of memories in the scuffle that moved slower than the others. Eva slowly walked towards it, eyes widening at the familiar figures. She'd just seen them earlier— Neil and his grandfather, joined at the hip. The two of them sitting in a small plane and taking off into the sky. Them in the kitchen, and in the park, and walking to school. Neil atop a familiar hill she'd been in, not too long ago. A fond feeling swelled in Eva's heart.

But then the pictures began changing, and a feeling of dread settled in instead. There was a tense family dinner, his grandfather shrunk away in one corner of the table. Another showed Neil's grandfather and his mother in a screaming match, though Eva couldn't make out the words. All she could see was Neil huddling to the side, a terrified look on his face.

The rest of the memories continued on like that. Neil curling up into his grandfather's chest, sobbing heavily. Neil sitting at his college desk, jaw slack as his fingers curled tightly around his phone. Neil throwing all his things aside, storming out from his house as his sister and mother stared in shock.

Neil slinking away from all his friends, ignoring calls and pushing everyone away. Neil sitting alone in a hospital waiting room, with no other visitors accompanying him, a small bouquet by his grandfather's bed—

Something swiped the memory away in a hurry before Eva could take a good look at it. She followed it's path, rushing through the sea of images flying around before finally flying into a familiar gloved hand.

"... Neil."

Neil was standing in the middle of the storm, his form flickering as he crushed the memory in his fist. It fell to the ground in pieces, before finally vanishing into a mess of pixels. Eva could only watch in horror as he continued to do the same to the rest of the memories.

"I told you not to come after me," he said. "You're as stubborn as ever, aren't you?"

There was a small, red number floating above his head. _76%_ , it read, slowly going down as Neil continued to tear his own mind apart.

"Neil!" Eva rushed towards him, but as she tried to grab him, his form flickered, moving behind her. "Shut this down, you moron!"

"My system's buffering," Neil ignored her. "I know the prototype was horseshit, but I'm not _that_ bad a technician. You brought Roxie, didn't you?"

More images fell apart at his feet, fading into thin air. There was a cold, uninviting wind that swept at Eva's face, making her feel sick to the bone. The entire scene seemed to scream at her to leave, but she'd already gotten this far.

"We're here to take you back," Eva said. "We came all the way out here, so call it off!" She lunged at him again, but this time he moved several feet in the air, continuing to tear his memories apart.

"And why should I?" Neil snapped. "My machine worked once, Roxie could remake it without me. The world doesn't need this moron anymore."

"Neil, please!" Eva cried. "This prototype looks like it's running on _scrap metal,_ ifwe're here for too long it could kill you!"

Neil only gave her a pitying look, his hand paused in the air, but it only lasted a second before he reached out to shred his memories again. There wasn't an ounce of determination left in his eyes.

"It doesn't matter. Get out before it kills you too."

_52%._

Eva could feel hear blood pounding in her ears as she jumped up after him, finally shaking him by the shoulders.

"What about your friends?" At her words, images of their co-workers at Sigcorp rushed forward. "Me? Roxie? Robert? Lily?" Eva held a vignette of their Christmas party in her hand, holding it up to Neil's face. It was one of the few times they'd gotten to spend time together after college, but she only watched in horror as it vanished in his hands.

"I don't think anyone needs a _friend_ who doesn't even talk to them," he sighed. Neil was back to putting up his walls, and Eva could feel him slipping away.

"You said you wanted to try again now," Eva pleaded. "And you've been _trying_ , Neil. Me, Roxie and Rob? We're ready for you to try again!"

Neil seemed to consider her words for a moment, his green eyes piercing into her, but he soon looked away, wrenching himself out of her grasp.

"'Try again' she says," Neil mocked. "Newsflash! The world isn't kind to useless people, Eva. Second chances don't come as easily as you think."

"But I'm giving you one, you asshole!" She reached for Neil's hand, but he rematerialized again on the ground, with his knees to his chest. The fight was slowly draining out of him, and Eva had never seen him look more tired in his life.

"My grandfather never got second chances," he mumbled. "I couldn't even give him one myself."

_38%._

Eva slunk to the ground, kneeling in front of her friend. She brushed his bangs aside, looking straight into his eyes.

"Is that what this is about? Your grandfather?"

"That, and probably my entire failure of a life." He broke her gaze, hair covering up his eyes again as memories continued to shatter around them. Eva felt her heart hammering in her chest. She didn't know what to do, with Neil refusing to let go.

"Eva, we can't stall him anymore!" Roxie's voice popped up, panicked. The counter above Neil's head began to decline more rapidly than ever.

"Neil," Eva said. "Your grandfather's wish… He _wanted_ to fix things with your family before he died, didn't he? Why can't you?"

"Yeah, well, in case you forgot, he failed," Neil sniffed. "Which means, again— _I_ failed!" He got up and began to walk away again, violently knocking apart memories as he moved. The wind rushed harder against Eva's now shaky frame, nearly knocking her off her feet.

"You didn't fail anyone!" Eva chased after him. "He just ran out of time, you can't blame yourself for that!"

"Does it matter?" he said. "I let him die all alone, and I don't talk to my my family anymore. You saw those memories. It's over."

_21%._

Eva's hands balled into fists as she glitched ahead of him, stopping him in his tracks.

"Is this what your grandfather would want for you? To run away from all your problems?"

That seemed to give Neil pause, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He shoved his hands into his pockets, brows furrowing. For a moment, the entire world seemed to go still, and she could feel Neil staring daggers into her. Ignoring her question, he pressed back.

"Why do you care so much?"

Eva took a step back in surprise. She hadn't prepared herself for his question, and he took her silence as an answer.

"Is it because you never fail a case?" Neil pressed. "Kinda selfish of you, don't you think, Dr. Rosalene?"

Eva felt her heart drop to her feet. Neil's assumption felt like a knife twisting into her chest. She knew he was only trying to hit her where it hurt, but the pain was searing.

He got the wrong idea. He was her friend. She wanted him to be her friend.

"It doesn't matter. I've set the machine to permanently destroy the memories once the process is complete, so you can just forget about me." He turned away without another word.

Eva shook her head rapidly, her mind swirling. Neil walked past her again, but she couldn't find any words to say. The fire died in her partner's eyes. He'd completely given up.

_13%._

" _Please_ just forget about me."

His mindscape was nearly barren now, looking more and more like the void she'd found herself in upon startup. She felt tears pricking at her eyes again as she chased after Neil's fading form.

_8%._

There had to be something, anything she could say to stop his tirade. He can't go. She can't let him go.

_7%._

She yelled at him from the top of her lungs, hoping he wasn't already too far away to hear.

"Do you remember how we first met?"

Neil stopped in his tracks again, his form now looking more like a jumbled mess of pixels, but the look of confusion on his face was clear as he turned towards her. Silence settled in between them as he waited for Eva to continue, the baseless question hanging in the air.

Eva took a step forward as she pulled a memory up, not from Neil, but from her own heart. It flickered in her hands, giving off a soft, warm glow that Neil couldn't tear his eyes away from. She held it up for both of them to see.

_The new school was daunting, almost terrifying with the amount of students it had. Eva had just moved in from a small town a few states over, and there was nobody familiar around. It was the first day of 2nd grade, and she was supposed to be a big girl now, but her heart pounded in her little chest as she hugged her backpack tighter._

_6%._

"I remember I was so scared," Eva said. "I wanted to run far, far away from it all, back to my little garden in the countryside."

_Recess had just started, and the schoolyard was bustling with children. Everyone already had friend groups from the grade before, and Eva couldn't find her way into any conversations. They were at that ripe age where kids found out they could be mean, and all her classmates found a way to pick at the new kid. They'd either snuffed her and her little cucumber socks, or were simply too frightening for Eva to even approach. She sat alone underneath the big maple tree, watching everyone else play with their dolls and their kickballs from far away._

_5%._

"And then you were there."

_There was the distinct squeaking of sneakers as someone ran up to her, and Eva was afraid someone would pick on her for coming from the country again, for having a weird accent or a weird backpack or anything else they could find. But the boy only crouched down to her eye level, with a smile on his face that looked like the sun._

_"I like your socks," he said, sitting cross-legged in front of her._

_Eva pouted. "Are you making fun of me?"_

_The boy gasped, pushing up his huge wire-framed glasses. They were comically large on his face._

_"No! My friends over there were just talking about them, but I told them they were neat. Ma would never let me have socks as cool as yours!"_

_4%._

"I really thought you were trying to get under my skin."

_"Please leave me alone."_

_Eva got up and started to walk away. Maybe the teachers would let her into their nice little office, or even better, let her go home._ Home _home, not her stinky new home in this stinky large city. It's not like there were any friends she would miss here, anyway._

_3%._

"But it turns out, you just wanted to be there for me."

Eva moved forward again, only a few feet from Neil now. His face was unreadable as he watched the memory unfold.

_"Hey, wait up!" The boy ran ahead of her before she could walk into the building. "What's wrong?"_

_"You're just making fun of me, you big stink!" Eva scowled. "I don't want to talk to any stinky people here who don't want to play with me!"_

_"But_ I _want to play with you!" He bounced on his heels. Eva blinked, trying to figure out if he was lying or not. The boy must've noticed she was unconvinced, because he fished out a small console from his pocket, waving it in the air. "The teachers said I can't use this in school, but we can hide behind that tree over there, and it'll be our little secret."_

_Eva considered ignoring him and running away again, but his smile was so warm she doubted he was lying. And he was even willing to get in trouble for her._

Her head began to pound, and Eva knew it was only a matter of time before the machine would backfire on both of them. But she wouldn't leave now.

"You saw I was upset, so you wouldn't let me go."

_2%._

_She looked at the boy skeptically, and he beamed back, bouncing on his little light-up sneakers. He pocketed the device again, rubbing the back of his neck._

_"You're new here, aren'tcha?" he asked. "I saw you sittin' all alone under that tree. You looked really sad."_

_The boy was the only thing standing between Eva and the teacher's office. He was scrawny and a little shorter than her, so she wouldn't have a problem getting around him if she wanted to. She could forget about the boy and leave. But, still, with that genuine look in his eyes..._

"It was too late for your grandfather to fix everything, but it's not too late for you."

_"My name's Neil!" he said, reaching out his hand._

Eva reached out her own hand, and Neil stared back at it, the faint outline of tears clear on his cheeks.

_He wouldn't take no for an answer._

She wouldn't let him go.

"Please."

_1%._

_She gingerly raised her own hand to meet him, her own gentle smile creeping onto her face._

"No more running away."

 _He took_ her hand.

_"Let's be friends!"_

_1%._

_1%._

_1%._

* * *

_PROCESS CANCELLED._

_SYSTEM SHUTTING DOWN._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading !! o7 its 4am again there are prolly mistakes like, somewhere, lol
> 
> (i made a playlist too, like i do for everything, cept i dont like sharing my accounts on ao3 so im just dropping it here in the notes
> 
> i. [speeches](https://youtu.be/bet8YWurCSQ) // ii. [falling slowly](https://youtu.be/4fj9ZoUr1XA) // iii. [somewhere only we know](https://youtu.be/fAizIX_TNVM) // iv. [your ex-lover is dead](https://youtu.be/8SrDoRvWRE4) // v. [the scientist](https://youtu.be/s70OsXlDD94) // vi. [you be the anchor, ill be the wings](https://youtu.be/k4he7QUFdKs) // vii. [neptune](https://youtu.be/MkCB4ATLCo0) // viii. [rubik's cube](https://youtu.be/2TigHAH3oKA))


	5. (epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rob is the dancing queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this in the bus if theres a typo its because i smacked my head against the window and it js not my fault

"You really didn't have to do this for us, you know." Eva gave a nervous smile.

"Nonsense, dear!" Roxie grinned back from the passenger's seat. "It's the least we can do, after you two made us that wonderful dinner last week!"

Well, that one was mostly Neil, Eva just handed him the utensils when he needed them. Still, Roxie had insisted on picking them up on the way to her and Rob's next mission, and there were no if's or but's about it.

Which Eva normally wouldn't have minded, if she and Neil weren't squeezed into the back seat with Roxie's traversal machine. She couldn't begin to understand _why_ the woman insisted on strapping it into a _baby chair_ instead of just tossing it into the trunk like everyone else did. It was just the cherry on top of the weird quirks Roxanne Winters held.

At least Neil didn't seem to mind. He'd slowly been getting into a better mood since they'd rescued him two weeks ago, and was now slightly leaning his head out of the rolled down window, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the warm sun on his face. It reminded Eva of how Dandelion would take naps by the window, almost serene to look at.

Neil had closed himself off for so long when his grandfather first got hospitalized, and he'd been shutting the world out ever since. Now it was like he was seeing everything for the first time in years, and he couldn't get enough of it.

"You could at least spare them from your dreadfully loud music, Roxanne." Robert looked like he was seconds away from driving the group off the road. Roxie had the radio station turned up to the loudest volume, and she and Neil have been singing awfully off key for the past half-hour.

"Nonsense, Bob!" Neil teased in a sing-song voice. "A rockin playlist's part of what makes a good road trip, after all!"

Robert slammed his head down on the steering wheel at the next stoplight, drawing out a long _hoooooooonk_ from his car. It probably sounded miles better to him than the strange duet the technicians have been trying to pull.

Eva _knew_ Neil was actually talented at singing, but he was probably just trying to push Rob's buttons. For the most part it seemed to be working, except that Robert swore to try and be _nicer_ to Neil ever since the accident, so he could do nothing but grit his teeth in silence. And Neil was milking every second of it.

As much as Eva wanted to save Robert from blowing out his eardrums by shutting off the radio, part of her _was_ glad to see Neil back to his old self. Only partly. It still didn't stop her from telling him to shut up.

"C'mooon, Eves, you love this song!" Neil poked her in the arm. "Remember? Seventh-grade dance? Sing with us!"

"Please don't," Robert groaned.

"No way," Eva scoffed. "You two sound like idiots."

That, and singing might aggravate the awful headache that she was having right now. Neil promised the effects would wear off a month after messing with a custom machine, but so far it hadn't gotten any easier. Perhaps it was her lack of experience with them.

Despite that, she refused to take those insanely strong painkillers Neil offered her— Eva got queasy at the sight of them— so she decided to just grin and bear it.

"Don't be a stick in the mud, hun!" Roxie chimed in. " _Youu can daaance~!"_ She pointed at Neil.

" _Youuu can jiive!"_ He sang back.

"" _Haaaving the tiime of your liiiife~!_ ""

The technicians looked at Eva expectedly, grinning madly. She sighed, crossing her arms.

"... Ooh yeah."

The car erupted into cheers, except for Rob, who looked like he was ready to jump out the door any second. Eva tried to scowl, but the corners of her mouth betrayed her. She had to admit that she was having fun. Just a little bit.

" _See that girl~!"_

_"Watch that scene~!"_

_""Diggin' the Dancing—""_

"Get out of my car."

Neil pouted. "You ruined the best part, Bob, now we have to start all over again!"

"No," Rob pointed out the window. "We're here."

Robert's driving was so painfully slow that Eva stopped paying attention to the road. They'd stopped in front of a small house on the other side of the city, in a neighborhood Eva was unfamiliar with.

For a second Neil looked like the wind just got knocked out of him, but he quickly recovered and put on a cheesy grin again.

"Took ya long enough," he said, hopping out the door. "Well, thanks for the ride, Bob! We should do this again sometime."

"We will _not_." And with that, the car sped away at a frightening speed Eva didn't think Robert was capable of. Maybe he was afraid Neil would stay for an encore.

"Well, this is it," Eva said, turning to the house again. The two stepped up to the front door, and Neil's hand hovered over the doorbell.

Eva waited patiently behind him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. There was no rush now, and she didn't want to make Neil do anything before he was ready. She was just ready to stand by his side every step of the way, just as he did for her, all those years ago.

Neil whistled, pocketing his hands again. "Y'know," he said. "You were right. I think this whole staring-at-doors thing could really become a hobby."

"Neil…"

The man looked ready to bolt away at any second, a cold sweat breaking out on his brow as he gave a nervous laugh.

"It's really interesting, actually. I never noticed how nice varnished wood looks up close, and..."

He trailed off as Eva reached for his hand, giving it a quick squeeze. Neil's expression faltered, and his body had gone stiff.

She squeezed his hand again, getting them to lock gazes for just a moment, hoping her eyes carried the message clear enough. Neil swallowed, seeming to understand.

_No more running away._

He sighed, turning back to the door and closing his eyes. Eva held her breath. A minute passed, then two, then Neil pressed his finger to the doorbell.

_Ding!_

Before she knew it, there was a woman standing at the door. She was much older than the two of them, but the brown shade of her hair was unmistakable, her emerald green eyes mirroring the shocked expression of the man standing in front of her.

"Neil…?"

Neil swallowed hard, his eyes beginning to water. He looked frozen to the ground, not knowing whether to rush forward or run away. Eva squeezed his hand again, and he squeezed back.

"Hi, Ma," Neil managed to choke out. "I'm…"

He was cut off by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around him, holding him close and tight. Soon the man melted into the touch, his frame shaking ever so slightly as he buried his face in his mother's shoulder, but he still didn't let go of Eva's grip. The woman just carded a hand through her son's hair, smiling like everything was all right with the world.

"... You're home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!
> 
> (and, because i'm awful at describing environments, a few bonus sketches down here
> 
> [beginning of chapter 3](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/589089405705388035/606818900642103306/unknown.png) / [end of chapter 3](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/589089405705388035/606831158801727491/SPOILER_unknown.png) / [end of chapter 4](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/589089405705388035/606840474631929858/SPOILER_unknown.png))

**Author's Note:**

> follow me [here](https://youtu.be/LA4CTzhrLu8) for updates


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